There is a question that I ask myself frequently; "What shall I do?"
I do regret things that I have done, actually I regret them 70% of the time. Its not because I don't have the capability to think and take a decent decision. Its because my urges overwhelming compared to my common sense. I feel ashamed of my decisions all the time, I always wish that if I had a time-machine i could go back and start over.
Where shall I go back to?
Which mistake shall I correct first. The list made me go nuts. There was a lot of things to correct.
I was 16 yrs old when I had my first thought of having a time machine so that I can go back a redraw some event in my life. At that time the issue was that I haven't performed to my 100%.
As my innocence got tampered with the dirty plays in life; the things I needed to redraw became more and more complex. where shall I start from, that was always a question mark. Shall I bother to correct all my innocent mistakes or do I start from grave mistakes. I'm not sure that everyone else feel my mistakes as grave, but I do feel so.
But I was thinking just to find the moment in life, where the innocent mistakes evolved into grave ones. Its always what we do that defines us. How people evaluate us is completely result oriented. They won't consider the effort and path that we traveled; its just the results. So maybe it was path that's corrupted, or the effort, or even worse; the result? I'm getting more and more confused.
My main problem is that I rush to decision, and i don't go with my instinct. Whenever my instinct is right I always over think and take some stupid decision. My life is like this, an abnormality.
But when I think of it all together; I'm the result of all the events that happened in my life. So if I hate what I'm now.
Then I realized that its better to restart my life.
Note: I loved the alternate ending of The Butterfly Effect:
An alternate ending, shown as the main ending on some versions of the DVD, concludes with Evan going back to the day he was due to be born, where his mother is in labor in the hospital. He then proceeds to knot his umbilical cord, causing him to die before birth.