Maybe God doesn't want me to have it.

- “I was never popular or attractive, not even noticeable. I never had any good taste or skills. “

- “May be I have all that, maybe I’m just feeling inferior.”

- “No, chance. I don’t have any guts.”

I always fight like this with my inner-self. Even though Innerself wins when he proves that I have capability. The final result is that i don’t achieve anything.

I won’t blame my inner-self. I won’t shout “I told you” to my innerself. It’s because that the blame for failure is mine.

I don’t try. I want to try I want to do all things as planned and of course i plan a lot and i believe those are so good plans.

Every single time after the event, my inner-self blame me.

- “At Least if u have tried something, then you will be achieving it. I know you have the capability for it. You are something. Just do something.”

After that i will swear on God that I will be doing all according to plan and will decide an awesome routine.

But still I won’t do anything. Trying nothing will continue for about a week. Then my inner-self start scolding me again.

- “I believed that you can do it. Don’t you wanna achieve it? Don’t you think of your position? You can, you just have to do.”

This time I won’t be having any guts of doing anything. As I always do; I run to God.

- “Oh God please help me. You know all my things na. You know all I want is just that. Please help me to do it. I can’t do it by my own. I need a support. I need you. Please.”

And as if to reduce God’s burden. I won’t do anything and my plan exists just as a plan.

- “My be i really should Quit trying. Maybe God doesn't want me to have it.”

- “It’s easy na? easy to blame all on someone else.”